Screenshots from the apps. Names, faces, and numbers are blurred before anything is posted. These don't enter contests, but they do get reactions.
App: Hinge · Table: Too Much Too Soon
I thought “my mum would love you” was flirting, not a warning that she had stationery ready. We hadn't even picked a café and I was being assessed for custard compatibility. I unmatched before she could laminate my red flags. Somewhere, I assume, there's an empty plastic sleeve w...
Keep reading: I was one tab away from becoming an exApp: Plenty of Fish · Table: Too Much Too Soon
I thought borrowing her aunt’s reservation meant dinner at a restaurant we couldn’t normally get into. Apparently it meant inheriting the family’s parliamentary procedure. I went home and ate crackers without making a single statement for the record...
Keep reading: The tasting menu had a public speaking requirementApp: Bumble · Table: Too Much Too Soon
I joined the video call expecting a quick hello before drinks. His sister shared a slide titled “Romantic suitability: preliminary findings” and his dad asked if I’d read the pre-read. I closed my laptop. Apparently that counts as storming out of a PDF...
Keep reading: I failed the family steering committeeApp: Plenty of Fish · Table: Too Much Too Soon
I thought a wedding was an ambitious first date. Apparently it was also a job interview for the role of Woman Who Has Definitely Met Him Before. I declined the position. Somewhere, a seating chart has me listed as “fiancée, pending facial expression.”...
Keep reading: Plus-one, minus consent