He tried to put the sunset on a spreadsheet

He invited me to a picnic and said he'd handled everything. I told my friend I might finally have met a guy who could plan a date without requiring a committee. He arrived with a folding chair, a clipboard, and a spreadsheet titled SUNSET ACCEPTANCE CRITERIA. At first I thought rating clouds was cute. Then he asked a couple nearby to stop walking because they were affecting his “visual baseline.” He rejected my grapes as an unapproved color and put them behind the chair. When the sky turned pink, he checked his watch and muttered, “Early.” Apparently he'd scheduled orange first. He spent the best part of the sunset trying to photograph evidence of the incorrect sequence. I ate my hidden grapes and watched the sky. Later he sent me a survey asking whether the evening met expectations. I selected no. He replied, “Please evaluate only the elements under my control.” So I selected no again.