She deputized me into pumpkin enforcement

She invited me to a pumpkin-carving night for our first date. I brought cider because I'm the kind of guy who thinks showing up with a beverage counts as having game. There were no pumpkins at her place. Instead, she handed me a reflective vest and a clipboard. We were going to inspect the neighborhood's Halloween decorations. I assumed she meant a fun walk. Then she stuck a homemade notice on a mailbox for “excessive skeleton density.” She wasn't on any neighborhood committee. She had simply decided standards were slipping. At the next house she counted plastic spiders while asking me to measure a ghost's clearance from the sidewalk. I refused the tape measure. She sighed and said couples needed shared values. A homeowner came out and asked who we represented. She said, “Seasonal accountability.” I said, “This is a first date and I brought cider.” He invited me to admire his pumpkins. She announced that fraternizing with a cited property was a conflict of interest. I resigned from Halloween enforcement effective immediately.