She tried to reserve a constellation

I thought suggesting the planetarium made me a reasonably thoughtful guy. My date agreed, then arrived carrying a certificate in a plastic sleeve. She'd bought a star online and wanted to make sure we sat where we could see “her property.” Cute joke, I thought. It was not a joke. At the ticket desk she asked whether ownership included parking validation. During the show she kept pointing at the dome and whispering, “That's probably mine.” When the narrator mentioned Orion, she raised her hand and said there had been a recent title transfer. An employee gently explained that the certificate didn't rename an actual star. She asked to speak to whoever managed the sky. Outside, she told me she expected her boyfriend to defend her assets. We had met forty minutes earlier. She wanted me to email the planetarium demanding a private viewing and removal of the “outdated constellation branding.” I went home. She texted that I wasn't ambitious enough to be part of her universe. Finally, an eviction I could celebrate.