She declared our booth international waters

Dinner was going well until the check arrived and she pulled a tiny flag from her purse. She planted it in the bread basket. "Don't worry," she told me. "I've done the research." I'm a guy who researches a purchase by reading one review, so this initially sounded reassuring. She informed the server that our booth was now an independent maritime territory and restaurant prices no longer applied. We were nowhere near water. She pointed at my sparkling water and said, "The legal definition is complicated." The server offered to split the check. She called that a trade embargo. Then she handed him a document titled Declaration of Dinner Independence. It was printed on the back of a grocery list. Under her signature she'd written "Captain." I paid my half. She looked genuinely betrayed and asked why I was funding a foreign power. The manager said her options were paying by card or cash. She paid by card, then asked for parking validation. Apparently her sovereign nation still needed three dollars off the garage.