She had already assigned me a cake allergy

She suggested a bakery for our first date. Two women, coffee, frosting: finally, an agenda I understood. At the counter she announced we were engaged. Before I could object, she added, "My fiancée gets overwhelmed by choices. I'll speak for us." She'd booked a wedding cake tasting because she wanted free samples. I told the baker we were absolutely not engaged. My date laughed and said I was doing our "running bit." Then came her printed backstory. We had allegedly met during a sailing lesson. I can't swim. Our theme was Coastal Destiny. I had a fictional allergy to small portions. The baker calmly explained the tasting fee. My date slid me a pen and whispered, "Just initial the consultation form. It makes us look committed." I bought a cupcake and apologized. She demanded half because, in her words, we'd presented ourselves as a unit. I reminded her that I hadn't presented anything except growing concern. On my way out, she asked the baker whether the fee could be waived for a canceled wedding. Fastest divorce I've ever not had.