She issued a citation to the windmill

She suggested mini golf, which sounded like a pretty safe first date for a guy whose main athletic skill is holding nachos. At the first hole, she took a clipboard out of her purse. Not a scorecard. A clipboard labeled COMMUNITY STANDARDS. She said the little buildings around the course had "inconsistent curb appeal." I laughed. She photographed a plastic lighthouse and whispered, "Document everything." By hole four, she'd taped a violation notice to the windmill for excessive noise. At hole six, she told an employee the castle needed approval for its moat. He explained that this was mini golf. She said, "That's exactly how these things get out of hand." Then she asked me to sign as a second resident so her complaints would have standing. I said I didn't live at the tiny castle. She called me conflict-avoidant and stayed behind to request a hearing. I finished the course alone. Somehow, the windmill and I both left with written warnings.