Her restaurant review needed witnesses

Her profile said she was a food critic. I'm a guy who once described soup as “very wet,” so I figured she'd at least pick a good restaurant. She arrived with a notebook and immediately asked the server to alert the kitchen that “an opinion had entered the building.” Then she inspected a breadstick through a tiny magnifying glass. I asked where her reviews appeared. She said distribution was complicated. Eventually she showed me: a group chat called Dinner Court. It had four members, including her tablet. That would have been fine if she hadn't summoned the manager and offered to suppress a damaging assessment in exchange for complimentary lobster. The assessment was “chairs too chairlike.” When he declined, she stood up and announced, “Would anyone like to go on record about the butter?” Nobody did. A nearby couple quietly covered theirs. I paid for my meal and left before dessert testimony. She later reviewed me in the chat: “Poor finish. Unwilling to support local journalism.”